Who should Read the Book?

• Anyone who wants to understand the mother’s role in a traditional Islamic family structure.

• Women looking for a practical, Islamic guide to raising children.

• Those aspiring to cultivate a strong Muslim family.

What is the Book About?

A Woman's Guide to Raising a Family is a guide to raise children. The author حفظه الله explains the essential qualities of a mother and how mothers can build a strong family.

Favourite Quote from the Book

Brief Summary

A Woman's Guide to Raising a Family by Shaykh al-'Allamah Salih al-Fawzan حفظه الله tells us how critical mothers are in the development of a strong Muslim family. It provides actionable advice to help parents, specifically mothers to raise children who become individuals that can benefit the Ummah.

Summary of Key Ideas

The Role of Mothers

The future of our Ummah relies heavily on the condition of the Muslim family unit. Mothers serve as the foundation of a strong Muslim family when their primary focus is raising children. This is a demanding responsibility that is best supported by the husband freeing her from the burden of financially providing for the household. Nevertheless, mothers with extra time, after fulfilling their primary responsibilities, can engage in work that benefits her and her family.

The responsibilities of a mother centre around two key roles; the worship of Allah, and providing comfort and stability within the home for everyone.

Essential Qualities for Mothers to Make Her Home a Place of Sanctuary

There are a few essential skills needed to provide comfort and stability in the home. However, on a fundamental level, this ability depends on her:

• understanding and respect towards the rights of her husband,

• acknowledgement of his position as her Qawwam (protector and maintainer), and

• obedient to her Creator’s commands in fulfilling her duties towards him.

Marital Skills

Following directions and instructions of the husband, which does not require disobedience to Allah, is a fundamental skill for a married woman. Following her husband's lead significantly contributes to a smoothly functioning household.

A woman creates a home filled with love when she willingly responds to her husband's physical intimacy cues. Fulfilling his physical intimate needs helps ensure his emotional stability and prevents feelings of frustration, deprivation, or neglect.

A wife must protect her husband's privacy and reputation by being modest in the presence of non-mahram men, avoiding Fitnah (trials and tribulations) and respecting his preferences of not allowing certain unwanted visitors into the home.

Every woman should develop strong relationship skills, as they contribute to a lasting and healthy marriage. This not only enables her to treat her husband well, but also gives her the ability to resolve conflict and handle disagreements in a healthy way.

A wife who truly loves her husband would stand by him in challenging times. She demonstrates loyalty and support, and is always there for him when he needs her.

Honesty is another crucial skill in a strong marriage. A wife should always be truthful with her husband, particularly about matters that occur when he is not at home.

Homemaking Skills

Every mother needs to cultivate essential household management skills to run a home effectively. To ease the burden of domestic tasks, she is encouraged to seek spiritual support through worship as it is better than relying on a physical helper for assistance.

As a homemaker, she should also equip herself with money management skills as she is responsible for supporting her husband in managing the household finances, particularly budgeting and saving.

As a busy mother, mastering time management is crucial to overcoming feelings of overwhelm and finding peace while completing daily tasks, especially cleaning and organising.

Children’s Health

Taking care and raising a child with a good upbringing requires knowledge relating to children’s health and their developmental needs, vaccination, child safety and injury prevention, among others. The mother’s focus during each developmental stage are advised to be as follows:

1. Pregnancy: The mother’s health during pregnancy affects the foetus, so she needs to prioritise her well-being.

2. Newborn: She must learn how to recognise signs of health and illness in a newborn, as well as proper care practices such as safe sleeping, breastfeeding, and appropriate clothing

3. Infancy and Toddlerhood: A mother should understand her child’s developmental milestones and be proactive in recognising and addressing any delays or issues.

4. Pre-school: She should prepare her child for school by fostering a love for reading and developing basic skills.

Children’s Nature

Cultivating a child involves verbal direction, using advice and encouragement/ discouragement, and most importantly, leading by example, as children learn best through imitation of their parents' conduct and manners within the home. That said, children possess specific traits and emotional needs that parents, especially mothers, must first understand to raise them effectively.

1. Receptiveness: Children are naturally receptive to guidance and adaptable.

2. Visual learning: They learn best by observing practical examples and require parental role modelling to solve problems and develop positive habits.

3. Individuality and Selfishness: Children are naturally self-centred, and need guidance to develop respect for others.

4. Emotional needs

   • Children need love and protection from both parents.

   • They also need respect and trust to build their self-confidence.

   • Companionship is also vital, but parents should carefully select their friends to ensure consistency in values and avoid contradictions in their upbringing.

Practical Guidelines for Raising Children

The author provided the following general advice.

1. Use spanking as a disciplinary measure only when appropriate to avoid misuse.

2. Avoid instilling unnecessary fears, such as a fear of the "boogey-man," to prevent psychological harm.

3. Strive for a balance between pampering and being overly harsh or strict.

4. Protect children from negative influences, such as peers with poor manners.

5. Monitor their studies.

6. Raise daughters with modesty.

7. Teach children the proper outlook on life.

8. Maintain consistency between parents—avoid contradictions (e.g., one parent says “no” while the other says “yes”).

9. Align parental actions with words to set a good example for children.

10. Watch over children discreetly.

11. Encourage them to make du'ā (supplications) and teach them to avoid using foul language.

About the Author

Shaykh al-'Allamah Salih al-Fawzan حفظه الله (born in 1354H) is considered to be the most senior scholar in Saudi Arabia. He is a member of the Council of Senior Scholars and the Committee for Fatwa and Research. He has authored over 35 books and is one of the major muftis in the country. He participates in the highly influential Saudi radio programme ‘Noor ala ad-Darb’ (‘Light upon the Path’) along with other scholars.